Project Basement is near completion thanks in part to two new hires in the suburban guest worker program. To clarify, you must be a family member to participate in the guest worker program. You must also visit us (i.e. be a guest). In exchange, you will be provided room, board, and unlimited participation in our home improvement projects. Workers will be supplied ample relaxation time (see photo of beautiful ladies lounging on deck sharing employer-made fruit smoothie).
Estimated costs for Project Basement: $100. Total costs to date: $600. High, indeed, but how can one put a price on the education gleaned from sanding drywall mud until your face is coated in a powder as fine as cocaine? 
The most interesting outcome of Project Basement has been the appearance of scary spiders. Evidently the copious amount of drilling and spraying and nailing has beckoned the 8-legged vermin from their secret spider spaces. Possibly they heard word of the guest worker program.
Last week, a Woodlouse Hunter proceeded to swagger brazenly across the Berber carpet in the presence of Casey, myself, and the little black dog. I include a description of the woodlouse hunter for your reading pleasure:
"This cosmopolitan, medium-sized spider has three pair of legs directed forward and one pair back. It has 6 eyes, closely grouped together. People are often concerned about this spider because it has two enormous, sinister -looking fangs…It is considered an accidental invader in the home." (See description: here).
Rest assured, we did not kill the creepy interloper. Woodlouse Hunter was promptly trapped in a jelly jar and redeposited across the street where the kids play soccer. Suburban kids love bugs, especially the cosmopolitan ones.
PS - Casey mentioned that he feels mildly unsafe knowing that if a woodlouse shows up, our 8-legged orange henchman is no longer here to protect us.
8 comments:
I think this really goes to show a complete lack of judgement on your part when it comes to the swelling woodlouse invasion that is threatening our cities. Think of the children!!!
And your guest worker program is clearly the by-product of a utopian-deranged mind, filled with crazy thoughts of peace, love and understanding (which are not funny, by the way).
Glad to see the basement is almost finished!
jima
Yikes! Isn't Kiwi supposed to be protecting you all? Tell her to get with the program!
Actually, we have a house lizard or two that might be a big help with the spider problem. Be on the lookout for a package. (She swallowed the spider to catch the fly...)
Listen, you guys are more than welcome to join the guest worker program anytime. We could use your good humor over here in the American burbs.
Have fun in Oz - don't forget to put your glasses on before squeezing the bufo marinus (I love the Cane Toads documentary so much I quote it as often as Casey quotes the Simpsons).
Holy Cow!! My husband adheres to a strict "catch and release program" in our home, but....I have a wee spider phobia. Unfortunately our 8 yr. old corgi, Chucky, could care less about our not so little intruders. My program...if they dare cross any threshold into my house their days(minutes really) are numbered...I use a vacuum. Of course, my hubby says my karma is screwed. Oh well.
You are a brave woman! Glad that the project is near completion.
Cory: Treat it like some sort of accident everytime you vacuum the spiders up. (Ooops! Spilled some cereal, gotta get the vacuum). Imagine all the ants we've accidentally killed. I'm sure you've got a surplus of karma anyway for doing the vacuuming. Cheers!
That spider only has 7 legs. Must have lost one getting out of the vacuum.
I had to kill one of these things at 1:30 AM because i'm afraid of spiders. There are seriously one of the hardest spiders to kill, because they keep getting up.
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