Defensive Tactics

Midjudging the location of my chair, I landed right on my tailbone, smacking the callous tiles of the office floor at a vulnerable 90 degree angle. With inertia at the helm there was no time to arrange for a judo tumble, so down, down, down, went my sacrum, just one day before Defensive Tactics training at the Citizens Police Academy.

I wouldn’t miss the CPA for all the cocoa beans in Ghana, so I made it to the police range Thursday night without fail. The Sargeant introduced us to a variety of pain compliance techniques which run the gamut from pepper bombs to tasers to eight dollar, mail order batons. Then it was show and tell. The police passed around capsicum sprays and handcuffs and we giggled at every opportunity, especially when we discovered that one cadet carried his own handcuff key. He’s a retired attorney.

Now I believe there IS such a thing as a stupid question, an example being as follows: Is this going to be on the test? Having said this, my classmates and I worked hard to stump the cops on Thursday, but the police answered all our queries in earnest, without a hint of irony. No question was deemed stupid, despite our attempts to test boundaries and baffle the men in blue.

Some examples:

Us: If a criminal is trying to accost you, the innocent, and you manage to pry yourself loose and run away, would it be more beneficial to run in a zig zag pattern than a direct one?

Da cops: Um, either would be fine.

Us: Can ordinary civilians carry police batons?

Da cops: Of course.

Us:Oh, but what if they’re concealed? Is THAT legal?

Da cops: Um, yes.

The dessert that evening was the debut of red man dummy. It works like this: police officer puts on padded red man outfit, students pummel police officer with baton. It’s not as gratifying as you think. The police people are quite nice.

Next week: Criminal investigations unit.