K-9 Unit

Dressed in full training regalia, the six K-9 deputies burst into the room like lifelong friends attending a Halloween party. They clutch bags full of puffy “agitator” bite suits, padded arm sleeves, knife-proof dog vests, and canine first aid kits. They’re pumped up on something and it’s not methamphetamine. Some say that the great American work ethic went the way of the passenger pigeon, but this is clear: there are no clock watchers in the K-9 department. These people know how to work and how to love their work.

Repeated references to the bad guys are made as the deputies spin stories of high speed chases, water captures, and the seedy underworld of the Colorado nightscape. Somewhat deadened by our cerebral jobs, Casey and I lean forward in our seats, spellbound, tittering at each and every cop story. Within arms’ reach are the doughnut holes and refreshments, and all seems right with the world.

Here, on the Colorado prairie, the deputy’s dog of choice is the Belgian Malinois. Alert, uber-intelligent and extremely agile, the Malinois puts Kiwi the Wonder Dog to shame in terms of skill sets. While we taught Kiwi how to take a hit and fake a fall in response to an audible bang! and a pointed finger, the Malinois learned to take the gun-toting suspect down with a few quick bites.

So, any of your dogs bitches? Casey longs to ask. Instead, he inquires about the doggie diets, which elicits a lengthy reply from the Sergeant.

We try to find the food that works best for the dog. I feed my dog about two cups of dry food PER day, he emphasizes, and he still weighs only 55 pounds.

Two cups? Casey and I share a troubled glance. At 4 cups per day, plus the occasional wet food, Kiwi is a svelte 69 pounds, and can outrun, outsmart, and outlast just about any non-working canine. Briefly tempted to toss a few calorie-laden doughnut holes into the K-9 car, I suddenly remember: unlike Kiwi, these dogs are too well-trained to be bamboozled.

Next week: Bomb Robot, SWAT, and Hostage Negotiations.

PS – Some startling, troubling statistics:
-Chances of being in a shootout in the K-9 unit: 1 in 100.
-Chances of being in a shootout as a street cop: 1 in 1700.